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We all have relationships. Whether it be romantic, parental, professional, with co-workers, siblings or friends and family in general. How we handle these relationships says a lot about us as individuals. Most will agree that the stress we feel in our lives comes from these relationships. It can be good, bad, and ugly because of the expectation levels that each place upon us.
The professional and co-worker relationships bring fourth the most minimal amounts of stress for me. Sure, there are times that I’m stressed to the max about deadlines placed upon me by others, but I found my voice and ability to say "No" recently and having that has subsequently made me learn that most of the stress is placed by me and not those around me. Sometimes these relationships provide humor in the office and if you have a solid basis with these people everyone can loosen up and have a good laugh. For instance, the other day our receptionist was making coffee for the office and for the second day in a row she had mused that the coffee grounds seemed to have just disappeared from the little white filter, and for some reason the coffee pot seemed to be working rather slowly. On the second day I went in to look at what she was talking about (mostly because I wanted a cup of java that morning) and sure enough I confirmed that the grounds in fact had disappeared. I asked her what coffee she had used and she handed me the jar and I immediately knew the answer to this riddle. You see, my first inclination was to roll in the floor laughing but I was sensitive to our work relationship. I asked her to read the label on the jar out-loud. "Instant" was the key word and after she read that I literally saw the light bulb go off in her head and we had a really good laugh together. We had built enough of a rapport with each other that we were able to laugh at this silly and hilarious mistake.
Parents, family and sibling relationships are much more convoluted; sometimes even torturous to manage. In every family there is always the youngest child, the slow cousin, the person that is easy to make fun of or knock down at every turn. On the other hand this group should be the ones who will fight any fight for each other no matter what; although when the door is closed the tables often turn and the weakest is again the target for the free-for-all. The old saying "you can chose your friends but not your family" stands true and most of us just put up with whatever the family dishes out until we are old enough to make the choice to cut ties or fight back.
The romantic relationship is the one that you should (and probably do) receive the most from. This is the person who feeds your ego, restores your soul, and basically keeps you going after dealing with all the other day to day relationships. I once told someone very important to me that my idea of a romantic relationship was very simple. When I find this one true love I will promise to stand behind him, to support him and his decisions, dreams, and ideals. I will stand on his right side as his friend and confidant and on his left as his advisor and conscience even when he didn’t ask for my opinion. And, always in front of him to guard, protect and shield him from any harm within my power.
Of course, all of this brings me to my point. That point is that we all build up a sort of savings account with those whom we build relationships. We make deposits with trust and good feelings; withdrawals are made when we screw up. Its really as simple as that. An invisible account that goes up and down at a moments notice and at times when we have no idea what we did or did not do. Occasionally we go bankrupt, and poof ! it’s over, done, final, account closed. If we are honest, we can all admit that this has happened to us or we’ve been guilty of it. I try though to take inventory and give an account statement to those who I care the most about. If that person is running low on deposits I find a way to tell them. In some strange way I rather expect that they do that with me as well. Its like a thermostat that I like to keep on a nice even keel of 98.6 degrees, or a bank account that always has a nice working balance.
The professional and co-worker relationships bring fourth the most minimal amounts of stress for me. Sure, there are times that I’m stressed to the max about deadlines placed upon me by others, but I found my voice and ability to say "No" recently and having that has subsequently made me learn that most of the stress is placed by me and not those around me. Sometimes these relationships provide humor in the office and if you have a solid basis with these people everyone can loosen up and have a good laugh. For instance, the other day our receptionist was making coffee for the office and for the second day in a row she had mused that the coffee grounds seemed to have just disappeared from the little white filter, and for some reason the coffee pot seemed to be working rather slowly. On the second day I went in to look at what she was talking about (mostly because I wanted a cup of java that morning) and sure enough I confirmed that the grounds in fact had disappeared. I asked her what coffee she had used and she handed me the jar and I immediately knew the answer to this riddle. You see, my first inclination was to roll in the floor laughing but I was sensitive to our work relationship. I asked her to read the label on the jar out-loud. "Instant" was the key word and after she read that I literally saw the light bulb go off in her head and we had a really good laugh together. We had built enough of a rapport with each other that we were able to laugh at this silly and hilarious mistake.
Parents, family and sibling relationships are much more convoluted; sometimes even torturous to manage. In every family there is always the youngest child, the slow cousin, the person that is easy to make fun of or knock down at every turn. On the other hand this group should be the ones who will fight any fight for each other no matter what; although when the door is closed the tables often turn and the weakest is again the target for the free-for-all. The old saying "you can chose your friends but not your family" stands true and most of us just put up with whatever the family dishes out until we are old enough to make the choice to cut ties or fight back.
The romantic relationship is the one that you should (and probably do) receive the most from. This is the person who feeds your ego, restores your soul, and basically keeps you going after dealing with all the other day to day relationships. I once told someone very important to me that my idea of a romantic relationship was very simple. When I find this one true love I will promise to stand behind him, to support him and his decisions, dreams, and ideals. I will stand on his right side as his friend and confidant and on his left as his advisor and conscience even when he didn’t ask for my opinion. And, always in front of him to guard, protect and shield him from any harm within my power.
Of course, all of this brings me to my point. That point is that we all build up a sort of savings account with those whom we build relationships. We make deposits with trust and good feelings; withdrawals are made when we screw up. Its really as simple as that. An invisible account that goes up and down at a moments notice and at times when we have no idea what we did or did not do. Occasionally we go bankrupt, and poof ! it’s over, done, final, account closed. If we are honest, we can all admit that this has happened to us or we’ve been guilty of it. I try though to take inventory and give an account statement to those who I care the most about. If that person is running low on deposits I find a way to tell them. In some strange way I rather expect that they do that with me as well. Its like a thermostat that I like to keep on a nice even keel of 98.6 degrees, or a bank account that always has a nice working balance.
What would your emotional bank accounts reveal if they underwent an audit?
1 comment:
I think this one came together nicely. I like the way that you take your point and use an event to explain it. It makes the point that much more valid when you do that.
I'll wait for next week. ;)
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