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Self improvement. Just the words can bring fear to me because it is associated with the acceptance that I am not what I should be or could be and that is an admission of fault or failure. I had the opportunity to listen to a self described motivational speaker yesterday and while most of the sixty or so minutes that it took were used to multi-task, I did listen to what he had to say. A very close friend of mine does a lot of these self-help things as he is always trying to better himself, always seeking out new ideas to guide him through life. And, this caused me to question my inner self.
If I am to acknowledge one of my least favorite traits, it would be managing my emotions under pressure. My usual way of handling deadlines or pressures from my education or career commitments is to procrastinate. And, then when the deadline is ticking, I seem to be able to pull from deep within and complete the project or assignment. After having done this more times that I can count, I have come to accept it when perhaps I should seek to improve the behavior.
Procrastination along with other similar habits such as overreacting emotionally, disorganization, and avoiding conflict all lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, loss of self-esteem, and a general lack of motivation. It is a bitter circle and a behavior that, according to all the experts, can be modified. Of course the key elements would be self-discipline and emotional control and a nominal fee of $99 plus books, tapes, and other essential “tools” produced by the founder of this particular organization.
I’m just not sure that spending a hundred plus dollars would convince me to change. I have gotten used to the way I operate and for those around me who tolerate me or accept me for who and what I have become, I am grateful. A close friend of mine once said that my randomness, ability to move from one subject to another without building a bridge, and even the occasional melt down were all endearing qualities. It is what makes me different from the average person who seeks only to be normal; or society’s version of normal.
Naturally some things can be counted on, without fail. The tides will come in and go out, the moon will rise out of the darkness and the sun will set in the horizon. I on the other hand look for the unexpected and occasionally find signs that could so easily go un-noticed. Confetti made from the petals of a dogwood flower blowing in the wind or a spider’s web so large that it took me by surprise or the sight of moss dangling from a grand old Oak tree are all tiny ways that prove that even in nature all hasn’t conformed.
Much like the snow flake, people are all different. In size, complexities, temperaments, and habits. Perhaps we should concentrate more time in acceptance of our differences rather than pushing everyone to modify to the perfect model of an unrealistic and pretentious society of drones. Some of us will continue to question the ‘norm’ and color outside the lines; avoid the self-help seminars and sometimes accept that being overwhelmed is a part of life. Blowing a deadline isn’t always the end of the world; they are after all imposed as a means to keep things nice and tidy in a world that is anything but those things.
I did learn something from this ‘motivational’ speaker. I learned that I am not perfect, that occasionally I do lose my temper with both myself and others. I do sometimes feel overwhelmed and certainly there are days when nothing else will do but for me to cry. In all of this I am still productive, positive, and I am accountable. Are these my endearing qualities? I’ll continue to let my friends assess that for me.
If I am to acknowledge one of my least favorite traits, it would be managing my emotions under pressure. My usual way of handling deadlines or pressures from my education or career commitments is to procrastinate. And, then when the deadline is ticking, I seem to be able to pull from deep within and complete the project or assignment. After having done this more times that I can count, I have come to accept it when perhaps I should seek to improve the behavior.
Procrastination along with other similar habits such as overreacting emotionally, disorganization, and avoiding conflict all lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, loss of self-esteem, and a general lack of motivation. It is a bitter circle and a behavior that, according to all the experts, can be modified. Of course the key elements would be self-discipline and emotional control and a nominal fee of $99 plus books, tapes, and other essential “tools” produced by the founder of this particular organization.
I’m just not sure that spending a hundred plus dollars would convince me to change. I have gotten used to the way I operate and for those around me who tolerate me or accept me for who and what I have become, I am grateful. A close friend of mine once said that my randomness, ability to move from one subject to another without building a bridge, and even the occasional melt down were all endearing qualities. It is what makes me different from the average person who seeks only to be normal; or society’s version of normal.
Naturally some things can be counted on, without fail. The tides will come in and go out, the moon will rise out of the darkness and the sun will set in the horizon. I on the other hand look for the unexpected and occasionally find signs that could so easily go un-noticed. Confetti made from the petals of a dogwood flower blowing in the wind or a spider’s web so large that it took me by surprise or the sight of moss dangling from a grand old Oak tree are all tiny ways that prove that even in nature all hasn’t conformed.
Much like the snow flake, people are all different. In size, complexities, temperaments, and habits. Perhaps we should concentrate more time in acceptance of our differences rather than pushing everyone to modify to the perfect model of an unrealistic and pretentious society of drones. Some of us will continue to question the ‘norm’ and color outside the lines; avoid the self-help seminars and sometimes accept that being overwhelmed is a part of life. Blowing a deadline isn’t always the end of the world; they are after all imposed as a means to keep things nice and tidy in a world that is anything but those things.
I did learn something from this ‘motivational’ speaker. I learned that I am not perfect, that occasionally I do lose my temper with both myself and others. I do sometimes feel overwhelmed and certainly there are days when nothing else will do but for me to cry. In all of this I am still productive, positive, and I am accountable. Are these my endearing qualities? I’ll continue to let my friends assess that for me.
2 comments:
Being wordy is not a detriment when it is needed. In order to fully get your point across you need to have the reader understand it all. If it takes 2 sentences or 2 pages it doesn't matter. Hit what points you think are important and don't rehash one thing too much.
One word answers to a question are SO boring. I love context, gives my mind something to chew on.
Once again, I agree with what has been stated and I know where you are coming from.
Yes, but remember that your ability to seemingly jump from one non sequitur to another is endearing precisely because you are a "connect-the-dots" kinda girl. Our brains are amazing things. The leaps they make that computers cannot are still veiled to us. Thank your stars that your thoughts are as fluid and unpredictable as they are. It makes you refreshing.
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